I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
