Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
