i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
