She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
