laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
