My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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