Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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