Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
