he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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