I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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