I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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