Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
