Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
