I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm too high and old for this...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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