I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Farmville is her only friend.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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