why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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