We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
