how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
