It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
