i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i need some magic done to my vagina
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
