would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
