i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
