This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Is that strawberry winking at me??
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
