ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
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