grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
