Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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