Kareoke will never be a sober sport
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
