If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
