Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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