I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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