I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My balls are so social today.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
