Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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