If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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