He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
