sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
