I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Sponge bath it is.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
