i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
