Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
