Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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