:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
