moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
