He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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