3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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