I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I wish there were birth control emojis
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
