She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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