My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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