I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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