Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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