roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
