You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
