8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
