Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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