she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
