I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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