The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't deserve a penis
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Never joke about your clitoris.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
