I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
