Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
