there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
