he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
