i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
