I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
