Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
