i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
