turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
